life and death

We have had a number of conversations about life and death this past week.  Steve's paternal grandmother Camilla Raab died on Sunday afternoon - of natural causes, at the age of 97. We are sad, of course, although it is tempered by the knowledge that she was ready - she had repeatedly expressed her willingness to go and join her husband and daughter Jane in heaven. And thankfully, Seb got to visit with her one last time during the boys' recent trip to New York. I sat down with both children on Monday afternoon and told them that Great-Grandma Raab had died. Liesl asked if that meant we would never see her again, and when I said yes, she said "Oh, that's so sad." Sebastian asked if she would go into a box in the ground, like Great-Grandma Ford, and I said yes, and then he asked if there was room in the cemetery ground. We also talked about how it was Grandpa's mama, so he would be particularly sad, and decided we would call grandma and grandpa to say hello and tell them we were sad too. Liesl was very enthusiastic about calling, but Seb became all shy and said he didn't know what to say. So we sat there for another minute, being sad and giving hugs, until they heard the UPS truck roll up and park outside and they both ran off to watch it, forgetting all about death and sadness.

On the other end of the spectrum, on Saturday morning we were standing on the sidewalk outside Clearing Cafe, munching bagels, when out of nowhere Seb asked: "Soooo, how does the baby get in the belly?" I had been expecting him to ask for years, as we've had conversations about babies and he's seen pregnant women, but he never did ask and I didn't want to push the topic. Anyway, it finally occurred to him to wonder, and so I explained about eggs and seeds and mommies and daddies, and Steve jumped in with some basic information about cell division, and we left it at that. He seemed satisfied for now. But I can guess what's coming next. :)

And then yesterday, over lunch, Sebastian declared that there are three things you need: food, water, air. He said, "you will die within a few minutes with no air, a week with no water, and a month without food." (How does he know these things?)

Both Steve and I believe strongly in being upfront about things, and not using euphemisms to name and describe things and events. So for instance our children use the proper words for their private parts, and we'll tell them how babies are made when they ask, and death is just death. Since we are not religious, all we can tell them is that death is real, permanent, and comes to us all. But we also think it's good to introduce basic scientific concepts as young as possible, so that they start to understand how the world works and appreciate their (miniscule) place in it.